I Remain



Yesterday, I took a step back with the intention of looking ahead. My mind—a crumpled litter of tasks, chores, and worries I needed to get to. I paced in my brain as my thoughts ran wild, quickly categorizing deadlines, laminating ideas, and filing away things that threatened the system.

I'm not feeling well today. I woke up tired and carried on tired, then did a grocery run and came back to a messy house and porridge left to simmer for nearly an hour that had begun burning. I was already on edge before I climbed the steps because my boss caught a tone with me. I had to call a vendor before I even hopped out of the taxi because I felt like I don't move quickly enough for her—even when I am operating at lightning speeds. And sometimes the way she talks to me is—well, it makes me want to get another job. That, on top of everything else.

Good things don't seem to last around me, huh?  

Sigh. I decided to declare that that is a lie. Goodness and mercy shall follow after me, eh? Goodness and grace and favor shall chase me down, abi, and I will lack no good thing because no good thing will God withhold from me. His maidservant. His liege. His dependent.

But I am not feeling well, and I push through the morning with a quiet prayer before I go out to complete this errand of food and stuff for the home and children. I am sad and almost to tears, and my mind is hung up on something—but I’m not quite sure what. I feel overwhelmed because since the beginning of August, I have done nothing but work towards goals, complete deadlines, and maintain consistent efforts.

My head is hurting more now. My entire body feels weak and frail, as if I am about to succumb to something. So I decide, okay, perhaps I break my fast early and eat. I bought my favorite drink, but it was spoiled—and I only realized when I was halfway through the entirety of it. It was too late to go back, so I committed myself, added ginger to it, and kept drinking. That didn't change anything. My body still feels pained, my mind still all over the place, and my head still pounding.

I thought about taking a day off from everything, but then I felt as though that would only be letting these thoughts and feelings win. That is no longer who I am.

I must remain consistent.  

I must remain inspired.  

I must remain focused.  

And You Remain is now available in paperback on Amazon.com 😁  [link] 

Yes, it came early to the U.S. market and a few others. It's still showing as unavailable in some regions, but you can now snag your hard copy if you're a physical-book-in-hand type girlie or gent.

If you prefer reading on your smart device. You can snag it for 0.99¢ up until August 21st. [link] 

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