No One Cares!

I remember when no one cared. When I disappeared and no one noticed. When I screamed but the sound did not travel to the ears of anyone. When I walked towards the light but hearts didn't reach for me. 

This time I disappeared but not out of shame. I wasn't in pain but I was in change. 

I was dedicated to my own journey now. 

I studied to show myself—to be approved (by God). 

I walked, as I had become accustomed to walking—alone!

I didn't need the formalities of familiarity. The "How are you?" With no real desire for an answer or an answer which was not fitting or approved. An answer which carried weight and made people want to say "It is well" or "You'll be okay!" and "I'll pray for you." 

The expressions that made you feel bothersome, lonesome or just outright rejected. 

This time I laughed and stayed still and paused. There was no unique urgency but this time my soul hungered greedily for the word. 

I had paid my penance to a world that made no space for me. I could sit quietly now in prayer, in reading, in writing, in singing, stewarding what I had but never fully appreciated—until now. Stewarding was my joy now. I had been broken but I was now becoming *wink*

I had done what I set out to do, doing. I was, am passionate in creating. I made goals that I took steps to claim. I became brave. I championed my own voice and raised the stakes. I didn't back out of my life like I did before now, like I had been doing this whole time.

I didn't gripe about the fight—I trained. Privately, I welcomed it. I had amended the script. God's the author, for real this time—no backseat penmanship. God directed too. He was the editing team that would prepare the final cut. The finisher, the publisher. He coined every character and reshaped character flaws. Each plot, pivot and arc laced with grace and marvelous performance. He carried the reckoning and orchestrated every redemption. Every triumph weaved and binding. Through Him I had truly become my wildest dreams. 

God showed me that the hero of my story had been me all along.

"Your Grace and Mercy, 

Brought me through..." 

It was more than a song, it was the spine of the [my] book itself.

Personal Journal Entry, August Diary, Faith Journey, Creative Writing, Metamorphosis,  Spiritual Growth, God the Author, Healing, Change, Redemption, Reflection,