ARE YOU BLEEDING IN, OR ARE YOU BLEEDING OUT?

I didn’t write yesterday, so I didn’t post. I was caught up with getting my second novel ready for publication, and I also didn’t feel well. As the night continued, I felt even worse. I also didn’t want to post for posting’s sake. I needed to have something of substance to post about.

I am still not feeling well, and even as I laid down last night, I felt guilty for not writing or posting, or for skipping my midnight prayer session. I hate that I didn’t suck it up and push through, because I feel as though I have a responsibility to give it my all—at all times. Maybe that's it too huh, I am my worst critic. I know how to be hard on myself and rarely show myself any grace or mercy. It's a good thing that God's grace is sufficient. He loves me enough and there is no condition. 

And perhaps God isn’t asking for constant output. Maybe He’s asking for surrender.  

So, here's the divine truth I know God wants to say to you even in this moment:

“Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” — Matthew 11:28

My son came home sick Thursday evening. He told me in the night that he wasn't feeling well but I was so focused on other things that I didn't see it as pertinent or serious. That happens sometimes--just because someone isn't crying about the pain they're feeling or bleeding all over the place we don't think their ache or wound is that bad. And even still there are those who never bleed but have multiple contusions that go deeper than skin, to organs and bones and bleed inward and that's usually even more critical than the one with all the blood letting. 

So, how are you today? Are you hemorrhaging (bleeding badly in) or exsanguinating (bleeding badly out)? 

I had quite a bit of fluttering this week, and quite a few times I couldn’t breathe. I wasn’t panicked—I was in a relaxed state and lying down—but I was diagnosed with a heart arrhythmia, and sometimes I wonder if it’s more serious than I realized. Then again, I also have severe anemia, so I know the two are linked. I’ve just been feeling more and more unwell lately. I look totally fine though, there's no way to tell by looking at me that I'm unwell. 

So, I ask again. How are you doing? 

“He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.” — Isaiah 40:29

And that's a mind and body promise, so take from God what you need. 

I really want a vacation—a quiet week or two away from all the noise, chaos, and responsibilities. I want somewhere to live where warmth and kindness can be fostered, held, and kept. Somewhere I can create an environment that doesn’t breathe alienation and strife, hatred or contention—or even worse, memories of pain, helplessness, and trauma.

“My people will live in peaceful dwelling places, in secure homes, in undisturbed places of rest.” — Isaiah 32:18

I pray this promise finds me and my children quickly o, God hear my prayers in Jesus Christ name, Amen. 

It seems so trivial, but environment is vital to health both mental and physical. I may not have allowed it to limit me, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t affect me.

I guess the moral of the story today is God has a truth and a promise for everything that ails or troubles you. And, 

 “You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in You.” — Isaiah 26:3

that's on God😉! 

reflection on creative pause and spiritual guilt, documenting arrhythmia and anemia symptoms with emotional clarity, resisting guilt-driven productivity and honoring rest, longing for sanctuary and healing environment, spiritual unrest and physical vulnerability woven into witness, devotional prose on surrender and responsibility, legacy-driven journaling through illness and fatigue, emotional literacy in the face of chronic symptoms, scripture-laced reflection on rest and recovery, creative testimony shaped by pain, prayer, and longing.