Let Your Light Spill Out

I met an old lady today. She smiled when she saw me and immediately started telling me about her life and her problems. She felt comfortable approaching me closely and even touched my arm. Every time she tried to leave, she would turn around and come back to talk to me some more. And one thing is certain—even with the weariness I saw in her eyes, she left smiling, preppy, and joyful. I know that takes a lot to muster, because when you feel downcast, smiling never comes easily—neither does walking with a posture of joy.

The interaction had me grinning from ear to ear because she was such a sweet old lady, and in the end, I knew more about her than most people I’ve been around for months or even years.

I started to think about how I didn’t want to leave the house but was forced to by my youngest—and good thing too, because I needed to pick up some items for him for school and food items to make their lunches for tomorrow. I also never would have met her.

On my way out, I saw the kindest, sweetest message I had ever received from a friend of mine. It made my entire day, and I keep playing it again and again. Every time I do, tears fill my eyes. I’ve talked about her before on the blog. I love her so much and see her as God’s heart in a world that’s always been so cold to me. She is somehow always there when I am going through it. I remember when I felt like I was nothing and didn't belong anywhere which made my dreams look audacious. She said where I am and what I think I am not should never stop my ministry. She said even though my situation is what it is doesn't mean I cant testify or be a witness. It was never the perfect that was called to serve. 

She said even those Christians living in sin had a responsibility because they know Christ and are saved so even though they are wayward and backslidden they have a responsibility to minister and share the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I remember thinking, that's such a powerful message and if that doesn't convict a turn around I don't know what will. Many just live in sin because they lack conviction, not because they don't know--Conviction is the evidence of the Spirit’s presence. It’s the ache that says, “I can’t stay here.”  Without it, sin becomes lifestyle instead of struggle. And when conviction is absent, it’s not just a behavioral issue—it’s a heart issue. A sign that something deeper has disconnected [We'll dive more into this in another post].

I have been praying consistently, without fear or anxiety, that God enlarges my territory. I want to minister Your goodness and Your lovingkindness however I can until You come back, God. I have thought about it, prayed about it, and fasted on it. I pray that You increase as I decrease. I am a little frightened by this prayer, but I know that there’s nothing I want more than to walk in the will of God and build His Kingdom in whatever way I can. That’s how I knew immediately what I needed to do when the elderly lady approached me—so I added her to my prayer list, committing all the ailments she named to memory so that I could go to God on her behalf. She laughed off some of her challenges, but I could see the hurt. I could see she struggled with conditions and notions that she briefly expressed and tried not to complain about.

I won’t turn my back on anyone who needs God’s love or His warmth. The world is cold enough as it is.

I am not perfect—at best, I am cracked pottery leaking light. But I kind of like that. God called me to be light and salt, so let my light spill out through my aches. The breaking that still persists—let it mend with gold so that I can still shine in dark places. The suffering was and is never fun. The trauma pinches nerves even after you think you’ve recovered. But if I can still hold light and disperse it in my state of mending, then I say: Lord, make me whole so that my light, instead of breaking out, overflows.

Does that make sense? I mean you get it right. 

I want to pray for you. Send me your prayer requests to: oilbyyumi@gmail.com

Christian devotional, witnessing God's love in everyday encounters, prayer and restoration for the soul-weary, legacy-driven reflections on faith and surrender, Christian devotional available on Amazon Kindle